There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
