Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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