saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
