So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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