i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
