you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
