So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Randomize
