I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
