Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
