My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize