hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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