I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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