I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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