I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
