So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
