that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it's like iHOP with fire
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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