When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
