dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
