On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
