Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
