About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
