i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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