I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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