He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
