tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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