Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
