i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
