He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
