I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
