People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
