I just pynch a tree in the face
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
