You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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