May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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