God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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