We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
