I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
