Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
