You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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