she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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