i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so much tequila, so little girl.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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