I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
