How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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