I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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