she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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