Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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