Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
