I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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