where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
