Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
