Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
