really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
