I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I need to wash the frat house off of me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
