I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
