If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
