OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
