No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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