in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
