She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
