just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
