Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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