The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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