Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
