dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My balls are so social today.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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