my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
