Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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