that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
