I think I won the penis lottery.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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