Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
