SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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