gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
