THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He better not be in your backpack
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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