i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
