I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
