the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
