operation harelip BJ is a go
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
