I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
