Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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