i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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