we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
