what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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