I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
