Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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