I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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