I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
