think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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