Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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